Leadership and the Human Connection: Where to Start?

Leadership and the Human Connection: Where to Start?

You will read a thousand feel-good memes about leadership, and all of them have the same basic characteristics; they appeal to the humanity of both the employee and the leader. On the surface, it seems like simple business-sense and feels a lot easier when you are reading it than it can be in practice. How many times have you clicked ‘like’ on an insightful quote, and then recalled how you or a co-worker had not been treated with fairness or respect?  If you understand that you are the only person who you can change, and the only time you can make those changes is now, then you are already doing better than many others. It is often hard to know how to begin, particularly when you are in a crisis. That answer is as simple as clicking ‘like’ on an insightful meme: make your next choice the best choice, one choice at a time.

Leadership is a tough balancing act between business and relationship, and the people who struggle to lead often focus too hard on one or the other. The first step is to truly understand your role in the team. You are not above them; you are merely a decision-maker that is ultimately accountable for the deliverables they produce. You need your team to produce and, often, you need them more than they need you. With this mindset intact, it is easier to be grateful for their effort and offer genuine praise instead of hollow pleasantries.

Objectives do not complete themselves and, as a leader, you aren’t always expected to know the nuances or technical aspects of each role. Yet, as you understand your role, you need to understand the role each employee holds. “That’s easy, I wrote the job description, I hired these people,” you might think. This is a common trap, because a job description is not doing the work, a human being is providing a service. Take the time to speak to each staff member individually, and learn what their daily workflow contains, and any struggles they have. This not only keeps them accountable but will also give you insight into challenges you may not have known about otherwise. More importantly, however, is to build the human connection.

Common advice is that leaders should not pretend or try to be friends with their team members. While the spirit of that is true, a leader who leads with their heart will be nearly indistinguishable from a friend. It is possible to remain at a professional distance while maintaining a desirable team culture that produces superior results. It is up to you to set the expectations with your team for how you will manage, what you expect of them and what they can expect from you. I often like to say that I treat everyone in my team like my best friend and, as such, I often speak the hard truths. If you are genuine with your team, and they understand your responsibilities, then the rest is rapport building and maintenance.

Simple pleasantries are a good start, but these begin to ring hollow without depth. Not everyone is comfortable sharing personal details of their life, and that must be respected. On the other hand, not everyone is comfortable or interested in hearing the details of YOUR life. There are always risks when a leader tries to be too open, or asks too many personal questions, so you will have to exercise discretion. In addition to the awkwardness, you may also run the risk of appearing like you are trying too hard. However, there are always opportunities to build relationships even without knowing a life story.

Details matter, and leaders who pay attention to those details are valued. Remember the small details provided by your team and give them feedback. For example, if they express a hardship or a challenge, ask them for updates, even just to ask how they are doing. When they share good news, remember it and comment on it thoughtfully, more than just a simple, hollow “congrats!” If a team member has to take time off, pay attention to the clues they provide. For example, you don’t want to tell them that you hope that they had a relaxing vacation when they spent their time off caring for a sick family member. A little empathy goes a long way.

In addition to getting to know the team and maintaining the relationships, make yourself available if they have anything they need to discuss and ensure that they understand how grateful you are for their support. It does not have to be a constant display of unicorns and rainbows, simply acknowledge the humanity of the individual team members, and allow yourself to be seen as just another part of the team. It’s not an exercise in humility, it’s a conversation involving good business sense and accepting the reality that the work doesn’t get done without the team, and an exceptional team dynamic will produce exceptional results.

You’ll notice that I’ve spent very little time talking about directing the team on tasks, guiding them to achieving their milestones or pushing them to achieve more. When you focus on the human connection with your team members, and you maintain a shared understanding of responsibilities, you will find that your team will surprise you. They will work together, provide superior customer service, and proactively keep you informed of challenges that they have had. If they know you support them and care for them, they will do their best to support you.

When you discuss the concept of support, that relies less upon the relationship and more upon the result of that relationship. Recognize that their world does not revolve around the job. You need to push them to take care of themselves and their families—because that is what really matters to them. This is not as delicate of a balancing act as it may seem. If you have set the expectations of the job, they understand everyone’s role on the team, and the relationship has been maintained, it provides an environment of mutual accountability. I’ll grant the cynics the fact that this does not work in every situation, and it could be abused by bad actors who decide to take advantage of the opportunity too often. As a leader, it is your responsibility to maintain the team, even if this means replacing team members who are unable (or unwilling) to perform their duties.

Not all approaches will work with all employees and teams but, if you lead with your heart, that will lead to the most success possible. Whether you are a seasoned leader, or just getting started, it helps to reaffirm the foundations of leadership. If you support those in your care, the objectives will often seem like they complete themselves, and you will feel much better about the efforts involved – and your team will too!

--C. Colin Schultheis